Match Reports Print

Match Reports for 2006

At last, the long-awaited cricket season has come round again. All the usual signs are there: everyone has begun playing football, the green has been  own to reveal the debris left from the revelries of 2005, the pavilion has been customarily mutilated by wannabe Wayne Rooneys hoofing a pig’s bladder at the woodwork and mini versions of Sevvy Ballasteros have appeared with golf balls and number 3 woods looking for a suitable passing cyclist or  pedestrian in need of decapitation.

Never mind. Be content with the thought that the angels in white flannels will be ambling out on to the hallowed turf later this month. You could be one of them. The transfer window is still open – in fact, it’s stuck and we are unable to close it. If you prefer to be a spectator, tickets are available from all good touts.

Those loans. A statement.

During recent weeks, certain newspapers representative of the gutter press have seen fit to publish scurrilous stories alleging that one may have been seeking disproportionate recognition in return for financial loans to a local village cricket club. One’s motives for making available a few ready-cash advances from time to time were the highest possible – some would say altruistic. A village cricket club needs funds to perpetuate itself and extend its ideals across the country even as the airwaves are filled at peak viewing times with conflicting broadcasts by political parties supported by donations from wealthy businessmen driven only by a base vision of themselves draped in ermine robes and lounging on red leather benches somewhere within the premises of the Palace of Westminster.

Naturally, having infused the bank balance of one’s local cricket club to a handsome degree, one would not be so churlish as to decline such an honour if it were offered. However, it seems that one’s best  ntentions have been misinterpreted. One may have hinted that the offer of a seat in the Lords might be a fitting response to such a selfless, philanthropic gesture, but when the club’s letter of appreciation duly arrived, it contained a permit to occupy a seat at Lord’s – and that for only a single day to witness part of a test match against Bangladesh. It would seem that dyslexia has become the principal qualification for the village cricket club secretary of the twenty-first century.

Last Updated on Saturday, 01 July 2006 14:54
 
 

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